It’s hardly a novel theme for a blog but my imagination goes these days on whatever book I am trying to write. And my last google of the night?
‘How do you remove your farthingale?‘
Maybe that is novel? No, my wife and I were not playing some historically inspired sex game. No, I do not sit around the house of an evening in women’s clothing. No, I had not booked an escort to turn up dressed as Anne Boleyn. It was an innocent inquiry as my hero’s ‘sidekick’ was so dressed (the story set in 1590) and I wanted them to be chased through London’s night-time streets. I had two choices – dress up in a farthingale and try running in it and then see how easy it was to get rid of it, or…google. The latter did not prove that helpful as it seems no one in the history of uploading information to the web had considered this very obvious and important question. However I did learn a few things about the garment which I could refer to in the writing. Poor Cressy, the character, is therefore stuck in her farthingale and I have to find a way for her to escape the clutches of the baddie. Perhaps she will remove a whalebone and stab him with it…
As for other peoples’ last google requests? I tried that and found many answers, quite a few dating back some years.
‘Have Klingons ever smiled?’ struck me, as a Star Trek fan, quite an important ask. The person claimed it for an art commission they had received. Oh, yeah.
Or ‘quantum electrodynamics pdf‘. Why would you? They claim to be a physics student. Probably true.
‘Who vs whom‘. That I can relate to. And, no, I still struggle to work it out.
‘Sentient hamburger.’ Truly. A seven-year-old search, so an early Vegan or something?
‘i dreamt about you last night and i fell out of bed twice‘. Apparently a lyric from ‘Reel Around the Fountain’ by The Smiths. Yes, they could not be bothered to capitalise the first ‘I’. But then, they are interested in The Smiths so they are clearly of limited intelligence (I could never stand the band and Morrissey).
‘Hot porn‘. Absolutely no idea what they were looking for there. Never requested that myself. Never.
‘Why does my two-and-a-half-year-old son eat his toast upside down?‘ We’ve all been there, haven’t we? And much worse. And much messier. Quite good fun actually, I just tried it with jam – don’t put too much on.
‘Converting Celsius to Fahrenheit‘. Most probably an English person of a certain age…like me.
‘How to get rid of feet swelling in pregnancy‘. Um…give birth?
‘Why are the kardashians famous?‘. Weren’t they a people in Deep Space Nine? Why would they be famous then…?
And the final line must be something like ‘He died in front of the computer, aged 105, and you’ll never guess what he was googling…’hot porn’!’
Search well and prosper.
Jamie Neve 